Memories
by The Village Voice
Summary: Harry asks Lupin about the happy memory he thinks about to produce his patronus. SLASH, snupin, Snape/Lupin, SS/RL, whatever you want to call it, set right after Harry produces a patronus for the first time. Fluff.


**A/N: I've been Harry Potter crazed lately, and was struck with inspiration for a Snupin story. I would like to mention that I do know that Harry doesn't know Lupin's a werewolf yet, but I need him to know for this story, so just pretend for me. Also, I may have gotten a few facts wrong, but I haven't read the earlier books in ages, so give me a break if I get some facts wrong. **

"So, what's you're memory?"

"What?" Remus looked at the young boy with confusion. Harry took another bite of the chocolate before explaining.

"What's the happy memory you think of for your patronus?" Oh, right, duh. Remus's thoughts had been wandering, and he almost forgot that Harry had just shared the memory he thinks of for his patronus.

"Are you sure you want to know? There are some things about me that you may find a little odd, besides the whole werewolf thing. Now, I'm perfectly willing to share, but I just don't want you to be frightened or disgusted by me." No, he was not talking about being a werewolf; Remus Lupin had another dark secret.

Harry looked even more curious now. There was probably nothing that could deter the boy now.

"I'm sure it can't be that bad. You're such a good man, I can't imagine you being all that sinister."

Remus sighed, "Well, if you're sure, it's quite long and complicated..." Harry nodded eagerly, and Remus began the story that he hadn't told anyone in years.

"Well, as you know, Severus Snape and I were in the same year at Hogwarts. What you probably don't know, is that your father severely harassed Severus." Remus saw slight shock on Harry's face, and figured he had idolized his father, and couldn't imagine him ever being a bad man. "I won't go into the details, but he did everything he could to make Severus's life miserable. I was never on board with it, but I couldn't bring myself to do anything about it, for I was quite shy. However, the misery in Severus's eyes got to me, and one day I followed him after James was particularly mean to him." Harry tried to fathom how anyone could care for Snape, but couldn't imagine anyone feeling compassion for the git.

"He had stalked off to sit under a tree by the lake. I waited a few moments before approaching him.

'Severus, are... are you all right?' I was very cautious, for I had never talked to Severus before, and feared an outburst. When he didn't say anything, I came closer and noticed he had tears in his eyes, which made me feel even worse. I hated seeing him so upset because of something my friend had done.

I wasn't sure he had heard me, so I asked tentatively, 'Severus? Are you okay?'. He replied with a muffled, 'What do you care?' I wasn't sure that I should go on, but the melancholy tone in his voice persuaded me that he needed somebody.

'Look, I'm sorry James is such an ass to you, I really wish he wouldn't be so mean. I just wanted to see if you were okay.'

'No, I'm not okay! Would you be okay if you were just dangled upside-down in front of everybody?! Especially when I'm already the laughing stock of the school.' On the last word, he broke down into sobs. I was overcome by an urge to hug him, and I almost did. Now I almost wish I actually had, just to have seen his reaction..." Remus laughed softly.

"Professor, I don't really see how this memory is happy..."

"Oh, this isn't the memory. I just need to explain the whole story leading up to the memory, or else it won't make much sense, and I fear I'll just scare you." Harry still looked very confused, but Remus continued. "So, instead of hugging him, I just stood there awkwardly, my arms twitching a little bit. Finally, Severus calmed down a bit, and I conjured him some tissues, which he took gratefully, but he was still suspicious. 'Why do you care so much about me? Is this some cruel trick that Potter set up?' I was slightly insulted that he would think me so cruel, but could understand his suspicions.

'I'm afraid I can't really explain why I care about you. No, I am not part of some trick of James's, I just hate seeing you so upset. If you want me to leave, I'll leave, but I thought you might want someone to talk to.' Severus was quite again for many minutes, and I was just starting to leave when he murmured, 'No, please stay,' and I sat down next to him. He then just let go of all his grievances to me, while I nodded sympathetically. When he was done, we just sat there quietly until dinner time." Now Harry was completely dumbfounded. He simply couldn't imagine Snape in such a vulnerable state. But Harry was in for an even bigger surprise.

"And that is how my infatuation started," Remus stated matter-of-factly, as if it were no big deal. Harry's jaw dropped, past confusion, past being nonplussed; Harry was shocked beyond words. He replayed the statement over and over in his head, making sure it meant what he thought it meant. Still he had to ask, "Professor, you can't possibly mean that you were in love with... Snape?"

"_Professor_ Snape Harry, and yes, I was, in fact, in love with Severus Snape." Harry now opened and closed his mouth several times, bearing remarkable resemblance to a goldfish. Remus kind of half-smiled, as if to say, 'Yep, there's the truth, I've said it, and you can take it how you like.'

After a couple of minutes, Harry was finally able to grasp this, and said awkwardly, "Well, um, okay then. Good for you?" Remus laughed a little, and sighed with relief. "Yes, well, thank you Harry for understanding. I hope you don't see me too differently after this, and I can only hope that it makes you see Severus with a bit more understanding."

"Well, I can't guarantee the second part, but I won't let this affect my respect for you, Professor Lupin."

"Good. Now, I suggest I continue the story, we haven't even gotten to my memory yet." Harry nodded in agreement. "Well, this pattern continued for about two weeks. I would comfort Severus after James was cruel to him, and then leave. My friends were beginning to get suspicious that something was up, but couldn't figure it out. James was a little upset that I wasn't there after his attacks to share his laughter, but figured I had a good reason for disappearing for those hours.

"After two weeks of this pattern, I was longing to see Severus more, and when he wasn't so miserable. So one day, I asked him if he'd help me with potions sometime. I didn't really need help, but Severus was amazing with potions and I figured it was a good way to see him more, and while he was doing something he liked. He agreed eagerly, so we met in the deserted potions classroom one evening.

"I walked in and found him already getting the ingredients ready to help me make Amortentia, which is quite ironic, considering my feelings." When Harry took on a look of confusion once again, Remus explained, "Amortentia is a powerful love potion," and Harry laughed a little.

Remus continued, "He didn't notice me at first, so I snuck up behind him and whispered in his ear, 'Why aren't you busy?' He nearly peed his pants, he was so startled. I laughed for about a minute before he joined in. I believe we laughed for a good five minutes. It wasn't the funniest thing in the world, but I was so infatuated that I was giddy and I believe Severus hadn't had a good laugh since he was a child. After our laughter had died away, Severus said, 'Well, tonight I believe we're making Amortentia, which can be very complicated, but with me here I think you'll be able to get through it.' This, however, was not the case because I was so distracted by him, I was barely able to do what he ordered. I dropped two bottles and nearly cut off my finger as well. I could tell that Severus was both annoyed and slightly intrigued by my clumsiness.

"Despite all this, we were able to make it through the most complicated part of the potion-making. When I had completed the last stir, Severus exclaimed, 'Well, we're done with the first part! The rest of the process is simply brewing for a few days, and we're not actually going to use it, so I believe we can just dispose of it. But first, smell the steam.' He seemed excited, like he was letting me in on a big secret. I sniffed the top of a steam curl, and could smell rain, fresh bread, and something I couldn't identify at the time. It smelled so wonderful that I brought my nose closer to the cauldron and inhaled deeply. It made me slightly dizzy, so I stumbled back slightly. I could hear Severus's deep laugh, then he said, 'Wonderful, isn't it? Tell me, what can you smell.' I don't know if I imagined it, or if he intended it, but in that last command, his voice sounded extremely seductive." Harry was a little disturbed, but hid it well, trying to just listen to the story and forget about his hatred for Snape. "So I told him, 'I can smell rain, fresh bread, and... and something that smells slightly musky and earthy, but also somewhat light and airy.' Severus blushed because, as I later found out, that is how his cologne smells. Then he told me, 'Well, the steam from Amortentia smells different to every person, it smells of things that make that person happy.' Then he blushed again, and revealed, 'I can smell rain as well, chocolate, and something I can't quite describe, kind of like a faint orchid smell.' I realized that my shampoo contained orchids. Now it was my turn to blush.

"Even though it was somewhat obvious that Severus felt the same way about me, I couldn't gather the courage to act. I wondered why I was in Gryffindor if I couldn't even tell him how I felt.

"We continued with this new pattern for a few more weeks, but I was longing for even more. Soon before a Hogsmede trip, I asked him to meet me in The Three Broomsticks. He accepted, of course. It wasn't easy getting away from my friends, but I managed by saying I just wanted some alone time. I had always liked to be alone to think, so they just let me be. This time I was there first. I ordered butterbeers for Severus and myself, and handed his to him when he walked in. He nodded in thanks and gulped it down. I raised an eyebrow, and he explained that he had been outside for a while, and was freezing. I nodded, and took a sip of my own. The bar-tender (not Madame Rosemerta at the time) brought Severus another, which he sipped slowly. We had a normal conversation, and not much happened, but then we decided to go walk outside, for it was snowing, and we both loved the snow. Eventually we got near the Shrieking Shack, and stopped. Looking at the broken down house, I started to become emotional, thinking about all the full moons I spend in there. Even with my friends it was agony. Severus noticed the tears in my eyes, and inquired about them. At first I hesitated, but he persisted, so I told him my story. I was terrified that he would run away in horror, but instead, he hugged me. At first I just stood there with my arms hanging at my side, but once I got over the shock and the rush of hormones, I hugged him back. I heard his voice through the one ear not pressed against his chest, 'So that's why I see you sneaking off with your friends once a month. I never thought to look at the moon phases.'

"Then, I think inspired by his acceptance of my condition, and the butterbeer, I looked up into his eyes, and brought my hands to his face, slightly caressing his cheek." Remus paused to look at Harry's reaction, and was surprised to see him looking at Remus with curiosity, completely involved in the story. Remus suspected he might have forgotten that he was talking about Severus and himself. He continued. "Then I brought our faces together, pausing to see his reaction, and saw his eyes closed and his mouth open in anticipation, and this just made me all the more crazed about him. I quickly brought my lips to his, having to stand slightly on my tip-toes to reach him, for he was quite tall. My heart exploded with pleasure at that moment. It was the happiest day of my life, kissing Severus that first time. And that's the memory I think of when casting my patronus." Harry sat for a moment absorbing all of this, then smiled.

"What happened after that?" Remus laughed, and explained, "That story is for another day, for I fear it is even longer, and is somewhat depressing. I wouldn't want to ruin it for you." Harry laughed too, and nodded.

"Maybe Professor Snape isn't all that bad after all. I still don't get why he hates me though."

"Again, something to be explained another day."


End file.
